I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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