My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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