Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
