Sry I called you an 8
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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