I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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