in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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