A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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