How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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