piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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