how can u be prego again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
