their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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