That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
