Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
