what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
