Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
