You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
