Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
