counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh god it's open bar.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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