Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
