Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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