so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
