I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
