No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
