I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
