I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A+ Viking dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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