well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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