Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry captaindc15 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over

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(410): View more from Maryland

I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

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(914): View more from New York

Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark

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(530): View more from California

I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me

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(510): View more from California

Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.

(907): View more from Alaska

Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.

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