if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
