Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
