Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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