What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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