on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize