and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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