I intend to get homeless drunk
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
