You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
