i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
