Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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