And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
