I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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