Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
