she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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