Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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