May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
