is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
