Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
