omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i drank out of a bidet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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