Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize