Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
