Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
