Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
