I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
