Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.

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  (405): And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch. http://tfl.nu/1xo5
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people

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  (203): I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people http://tfl.nu/t9vq
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?

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  (651): Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup? http://tfl.nu/4ljj
  Replies (15) Good night (1592) Bad night (3476) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

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  (412): I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8. http://tfl.nu/h2aq
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking

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  (301): I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking http://tfl.nu/pou2
  Replies (4) Good night (3734) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

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  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (1173) Bad night (7026)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.

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  (920): He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer. http://tfl.nu/1gb8
  Replies (1) Good night (1577) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.

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  (412): I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/cumu
  Replies (8) Good night (1588) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.

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  (608): I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever. http://tfl.nu/xcdq
  Replies (10) Good night (1027) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.

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  (414): Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success. http://tfl.nu/e521
  Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.

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  (904): You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/4wr7
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.

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  (910): Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit. http://tfl.nu/w0fz
  Replies (7) Good night (1580) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.

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  (813): My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me. http://tfl.nu/3nzi
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family

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  (917): Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family http://tfl.nu/7bwr
  Replies (1) Good night (143) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock

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  (318): My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock http://tfl.nu/d5ea
  Replies (10) Good night (1452) Bad night (181)

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