I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
