Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?