just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.