The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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