Pappa wants mamma naked
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
