That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
