This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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