chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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