So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
