We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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