when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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