I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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