i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
