You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
