You're my little dorito
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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