Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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