He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
