I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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