i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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