the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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