You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
